Loki Lands on Lesley's Lawn
by KHoobs
Summary: Written for my tumblr wifey. You may find it funny. I don't know. I think it's funny.


The kitchen was warm from the oven. Two pies were already cooling on the countertop as Lesley slid another in. It wasn't even the middle of May, but in DC it was sweltering like the height of July. She wiped a trickle of sweat off of her temple with the back of her hand.

"Enough pies for now, I think. I'll have to message Katie and let her know how the French pear one turned out." She was musing out loud, leaning back against the counter for a bit of a rest before cleaning up after her baking spree.

Outside the sky turned dark and it began to thunder. It had been storming lately, so Lesley wasn't particularly bothered by the shift in weather. She snapped a few pictures of her fresh pies to post online later. Pie Anon would appreciate them.

She jumped suddenly and dropped her phone into one of her pies. It sounded like a cement truck had been dropped into her front yard, accompanied by a blinding flash of lightning.

Lightning shouldn't have been that bright in the middle of the afternoon. Blinking against light spots in her eyes, Lesley scurried to the window to check if it was a storm she should be worrying about finding shelter against.

To her immense surprise, all of the clouds had dissipated and there were no signs at all of foul weather. There was, however, a body lying face down in her yard. Repressing a shriek, she rushed outside, nearing the figure without thought of caution.

It was a man, and judging from what she could see, a potentially very sexy man, dressed in black leather.

"Oh my goodness, he's going to have a heat stroke in those clothes…" She prodded him, attempting to wake him up, but he didn't even twitch. Looking around for potential witnesses and seeing none, she tugged on one of the man's arms and managed to roll him over.

It was a testament to her strong constitution that she didn't immediately swoon on top of the man at the sight of his face.

"This CANNOT be." Loki. She was looking at Loki. In the middle of her yard. For no apparent reason. Loki, whose face she knew perhaps a little too well. He looked magnificent, even while unconscious; his features were a bit sharper than the actor whose portrayal of him she was so fond of. With a deep, steadying breath, she began to tug and drag the limp body into her house. She couldn't avoid a bit of rough handling along the way, but she figured that since she was probably hallucinating from the heat, or, as she hoped, he really was a god, the man could withstand a few bumps.

At last she had Loki resting on her bed, a fan blowing on him. He was radiating heat (and sex, she thought to herself). She stared at him, lost in thoughts that were a tumultuous mixture of concern, amazement, and a few things that were less than appropriate.

First, the leather really had to go. She didn't know if a god could die of heat stroke, but she certainly wasn't going to take any chances. Gingerly she started with his boots. Innocent enough. He still didn't stir, so she continued. Gauntlets followed the boots, along with a jacket of sorts.

She had him down to his trousers and a light shirt when he sat bolt upright, nearly knocking her off the bed.

"Where am I?" His voice was velvet and demanding. Lesley's eyes widened as he scrutinized her.

"Um, Washington… District of Columbia…America?" She stammered. This wasn't how she had imagined a meeting with Loki to go. He continued staring at her with a piercing gaze for a moment before looking about the room and realizing his state of undress.

"Where are my garments? Who are you? How did I get here?" Lesley shrank back, pointing shakily to the pile of clothes she had removed from him.

She swallowed, hoping she wouldn't stutter. "I'm Lesley and you, um, sorta fell in my yard. And you were unconscious and super hot so I brought you inside and I was just trying to make sure you weren't going to get sick from the heat or falling out of nowhere," she rambled, "I'm sorry, Loki…sir?"

As if she couldn't be more surprised that day, she blushed as Loki's expression softened.

"You cared for me, mortal? You do not fear me?" She shook her head, unable to form a coherent sentence in response to the change in his tone and demeanor.

"Then you must be the one the prophecy spoke of. Let us not waste time. Come, to bed." Without further explanation he pulled her to him.

Time and all other existence disappeared. Afterwards, Lesley would never be able to describe what occurred that day to anyone. She could hardly remember any details, except sensations.

In the moments of silence that followed the act, Lesley allowed herself bliss and her mind to be blank.

Loki broke the peace. "Do I smell something burning?"

"Oh my god my pie." No matter who was occupying her bed at the moment, she really didn't want her home to burn down. She dashed to the kitchen, wrapping a sheet around herself as she went. She flung the oven door open, switched it off, and waved smoke away. Grabbing oven mitts, she pulled the charred mess out and dropped it in the sink.

She turned, coughing, to see Loki standing amongst the smoke, fully dressed. He looked at her, but before she could speak he faded away with the smoke.

She could have sworn she heard a whispered, "Thank you," before he disappeared completely.

* * *

Author's Note

Sorry to anyone who got excited and thought I had updated Pieces. I love you.

This was written for my tumblr wifey, Lesley, aka mybadbadangelputthedevilinme. She's a lovely human being. Who might have Loki babies now.


End file.
